It's got to be something with me
I mean, I know it is. It's just hard to address. I always feel like there's got to be something better out there, why aren't people looking for it?
This isn't a philosophical question, it literally has to do with me.

Ears that stick out too far,
A nose just crooked enough to know for sure I am a jew,
Teeth - oh the teeth, chompers designed for a horse.
It's no wonder I keep my distance from caricature artists.
They could in moments do irreparable harm to my self image

Okay, so that's being a little over the top, I get it, but I'm just saying - why do I keep having this feeling? Does everyone feel this way? Are there things about you that you wish to change? Physically, emotionally?

I am a happy, clownish at times, screeching pterodactyl-like animal, always game for a laugh at my own expense. I think the people around me see this as a redeemable quality in me (at least I hope so, otherwise who knows how much longer they will be around).

I reread my post on how you want to be remembered - You can too
I remembered that passion that I came here with. Somehow, I am feeling like I lost it along the way. It's sad really, I know I have it inside me, but having gone so long without having someone to bestow it upon and having felt like it somehow led me astray from the one that I loved, I pushed it away. Potentially now I have the chance to get it back, to regain some of that inner self confidence that made me such a grand lover. I still feel a bit weary about bringing back that piece of myself, allowing that vulnerability back in. I suppose these things take time and regardless of how much we think about them, they just happen or they don't.